If you answered YES to any of these questions, then ask yourself…have I truly healed from these experiences? Examine how you look at yourself, examine how you approach friendships and intimate relationships because when things like this happen in a person’s life…it is very easy to simply look at the person(s) who did these things to you and continue to live in a state of “victim.” Evidence by the fact that you are truly unhappy on the inside although masking it very well outwardly. Doing this type of self-examination is not easy; however, the sooner you stop wasting energy blaming other people or events for your current circumstances, the sooner you can RECLAIM that control and create the life you truly want for yourself.
I know it might sound harsh, but the reality is…we cannot change the past. But we can determine the present and the trajectory of our future based on how we deal with things that occur in our lives. I read a quote by Robert Anthony that said…”when you blame others, you give up your power to change!” How true that quote is! How we choose to respond to external factors, determine how we will heal, survive and ultimately overcome internally! While yes, there is someone or something to blame, we have to examine the entire incident in its most authentic and transparent form and that is examining these following factors:
Did I play a role in what happened?
: In some cases, the answer is an emphatic NO! Such as childhood trauma in whatever form that may have been. In cases like this, it was NOT your fault…you truly was a victim. But now that you are an adult and have the capacity to make choices…REMAINING a victim is totally up to you! If you are in an abusive relationship, ask yourself…did I see signs of control, abuse and manipulation PRIOR to it being what it is today and did I choose to ignore them, make excuses for them? If so, take ownership for your part in the situation you find yourself in today and then FORGIVE yourself so that you can move forward and not walk around with a defeated attitude of self blame. Are you at a job you dislike and blame everyone such as your coworkers, your boss and company policy for your unhappiness? If so, are you in a state of continual unhappiness because you are too afraid to step outside of your comfort zone and seek employment elsewhere? Brush up your resume, place new skills learned on it and look for the job that has your name on it or better yet…go into business for yourself!
What did I take away/learn from this experience?:
In most cases, when we are tested it is to grow us beyond what we think we are capable of handling. That test was to strengthen a deficiency within you. That test was to tighten up something loose within your soul. That test was to draw you closer to what your purpose is on this earth to be of benefit to someone else or the masses. When you are still and analyze what happened in your truest of honest moments, you can see the gems that came from that painful loss. You can actually see the light at the end. While this doesn’t mean you will never make a mistake again…it does mean you will never make THAT mistake again because you learned from it, dusted yourself off and said…let me begin again!
When you live life with the mentality of victim mode…you will always attract those looking to prey on someone weaker, vulnerable and easily manipulated. Reason being? You do not feel that you have the strength or the power or even the right to ward off individuals such as that and will acquiesce to their tricks and schemes every time. But when one walks around with the body armor or confidence, self-esteem and worthiness…it is a predators kryptonite! They will draw away from you and not towards you.
Never use your past of hurt to be an indicator of what your future will look like…you have that choice. What happened to you and who may have caused it was for THAT time period. Use it as fuel to accomplish all that was told you could never achieve. Childhood trauma or abuse in any form places you on a statistical chart. A chart that indicates all that you will never be due to that trauma! Prove the stats wrong by beating the odds, becoming what was thought impossible. Use your trauma as a mantra of IN SPITE OF…or BECAUSE OF to the end of it so that you write your own story and stats and not that of someone behind a desk who has no clue of your strength, potential, talent and gifts. Playing the victim only benefits the oppressor. It is like an addict who gets high from sticking the needle in their arm…don’t get high off of self pity. Inject yourself with brain food…books that will stimulate the positives within you, surround yourself with friends who elevate your mind, pray for strength and discernment each day and throw out the unnecessary noise in your head of defeat.
The only thing blameworthy is your choice to live in that ill-fated moment time and time again. You do have a choice. Choose YOU!