“I’m going to start eating healthy.” “I’m going to start working out.” “I’m going to start repairing my credit and finances.” “I’m going to make better choices with respect to choosing a life partner.” “I’m going to start my own business this year.” “I’m going to do what I need to do to have a better relationship with God.”
Of course, these are but a few of the promises we make to ourselves each week, each month, each year and we break them time and time again although we know that if we followed through…it would be to our benefit. The question is…Why do we NOT complete the task that would make our lives better? In many cases, it is not due to feeling unworthy to having any of these things; however, we get in our own way of success!
You may be saying to yourself…no I don’t! Or you may be saying…you might be on to something! The first step to getting out of your own way is to acknowledge the ways in which you do so that you can discontinue the behavior and adapt new ones. Acknowledgement is literally half the battle!
Here are 5 Tips to getting out of your OWN way:
Get Clear On What It Is You Actually Want
First you have to get very clear about what it is YOU want, not what everyone else tells you should want. This is a major distraction to fulfilling your goals. When you place energy where it should not be, it takes away from where your energy should be and that is on what makes your heart sing. If you are unsure as to what that would be then ask yourself these few questions…what would I do if I only had to answer to me? How does this make me feel inside when I imagine myself achieving it. If you are still unsure of doing what you want versus what someone else wants, try this…flip a coin! Yeah just that simple. See, when you flip a coin; as the coin is in the air…you are very clear which side you want that coin to land. THAT tells you what is really in your heart. Once you know what it is you want, then HONOR it by researching what is required to accomplishing it. This will provide you the blueprint as to what will be your first, second and third step to bringing it to fruition. Knowing what you want and being very clear as to your goals and your why provides you with a strong foundation to make it possible.
2. Reject The Mindset Of Rejection
Many of us do not even begin to embark on the goals we want for ourselves because we literally have a fear of failure. Be MORE afraid of being unproductive. Each day that passes is a day that you can move closer to your goals or further away. Time is something that NO amount of money can replace! Many of us focus on past situations that we deem as “failures”. Let’s redirect and put things into perspective. As a Life/Business Coach, I do this with my clients, so let’s try it. Divide your life in 3 stages (For example, if you are 45…then divide your life in these stages i.e. First stage: Birth to 15 years old. Second stage: 16 Years of age to 30 Years of Age. Third Stage: 31 years of age to 45 years of age.) In each stage of your life, write down your accomplishments, regardless of how small they may be and consider what was happening in your life at those moments and see for yourself what you have overcome! This will assist in helping you rid yourself of the fear of failure because what it shows is that you are actually more successful than you are a “failure.”
Also, give yourself permission to give yourself a second chance. Be gentle with yourself! Stop associating past failures with new ventures! You can’t have a positive life with a negative mindset!
Utilize the Mathematical Success Formula. For every ten NO’s, you will eventually receive a YES! Don’t take things personal, that is the natural order of things, but if you give up, you will never get to your YES! So understand, you will “fail” at some things, but make use of this as a teachable moment. What could I have done differently? Instead of using words like I took an L (referring to Loser), flip it and change it to I took an L (referring to Learning or Lesson). Here are some examples of those who did just that…Tyler Perry. He was homeless and wrote his first play that turned into a major film…Diary of a Mad Black Woman! P. Diddy who was fired from the major record label he was working for and is now the owner of Bad Boy Records and a successful Entrepreneur in fashion, cologne and clothing. Russell Simmons, who when he launched the careers of Run DMC was flat broke. Oprah, Iyanla Vanzant and the list goes on! If they accepted their first no or even ninth NO, would they be where they are today?
3. Limited Beliefs
Napolean Hill said, “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve!” You get what you expect! When you replace negative beliefs with positive ones, your brain will actually TAKE OVER the job of accomplishing that possibility for you. In fact; it will EXPECT you to achieve that outcome! Try this every single day before you start your day and before you go to sleep for the next 30 days and see if the mind does not reprogram itself and do what is necessary to make possible what you have been feeding it. First write down as many Positive Affirmations that you can think of with regard to yourself, that you truly believe in your heart even if you have never uttered it to another soul. Each day and night for 30 days, speak those affirmations out loud.
Remove the tanglibles that will sabatoge your desired outcome. For example, set a goal to do an event to launch that business. Publish that book, lose that weight or save a particular amount of money. Upon doing this…TELL EVERYONE ABOUT IT! Why? Because it will hold you accountable for it…this will be your accountability factor. You do not want to fail, so you just up’d the stakes by informing others. Keeping it to yourself allows you to walk away as in the past. Get out of your own way! Believing in yourself is an attitude and attitude is everything. Attitudes become a belief system and belief systems become your way of life! YOU are responsible of letting go of negative thoughts especially those placed on you by others (Family, Teachers, Society and even Parents).
Procrastination is the killer of all dreams! Each day start your day after speaking your positive affirmations, with a “To Do” list that includes having a timer for each task. You can even make it the night before. Start your day off early when it is quiet. This requires going to bed early the night before as well. Procrastination is due to a lack of organization. Do you see how being organized allows you to be PRODUCTIVE? I learned from one of my previous coaches when I was suffering with the disease of procrastination…eat the frog! Now you might be like…excuse me? Eating a frog may seem repulsive to some, but if necessary for survival…you would! In our day to day life we have to look at this analogy the same way…in order for me to survive, to thrive I have to do what may be hard, but once it is done…the rest is easy. Start your day off with what is most difficult and everything else on your “to do” list will be a breeze. Here are 2 tips for those who truly struggle with this:
a. No distractions (Phone, TV and maybe even radio)
b. Clean the space in which you will be working. Again, organization is the key!
Practice Persistence. Push through and each time you do, it will be a motivating factor to continue whereas before you would have given up. It also becomes the NEW habit and a good one at that. For many, you look at the end goal and become overwhelmed; thus your inaction deemed…procrastination! Break assignments down to one step at a time…this is less overwhelming and creates progress. As a bonus…get yourself an accountability partner. Someone that holds you to your own promises and helps you get out of your own way! This can be a good friend, a business coach or life coach.
5. Get Rid Of Negative Influences
These are the naysayers, those that put a negative spin to EVERYTHING. Associate yourself with people who inspire you to take action. Ask yourself…who would that be in my circle? If you don’t have any…create a new circle. Follow people on Social Media that are motivators and for 10 minutes in the morning after your affirmations…say a prayer to remove negative people from your life, listen to a lecture or a brief inspirational video to get you on the right mindset and minimize the time you spend with those who are not trying to accomlish anything! That includes family and life long friends. Does that mean totally disassociate yourself? NO! The operative word is “minimize” This is so you can surround yourself with likeminded individuals that will inspire, motivate and help you elevate. Attend networking events. This is a great start if you are looking to create a new circle. Be the connect you need!
If you follow these 5 Tips…in no time you will accomplish the goals you set for yourself and you will step out of your own way and create a new path of success.